This topic has somehow dominated my life for as long as I can remember.
Even as a child, I sometimes felt very sad. The first time I heard the Swiss children's song, "Hans in the Snail's Hole," it captivated me, though I didn't realise it was already a form of depressive feeling.
This song touches on a kind of dissatisfaction inherent in us humans. That children should grapple with such thoughts is highly questionable.
The lyrics are about a boy named Hans, who is in a snail's hole, and everything he has, he doesn't want, and everything he wants, he doesn't have. It baffles me why children sing such nonsense.
Back to depression. That was just a brief detour to the first signs where I perceived that something wasn't quite right with me.
The next milestone was seeing a boy on television who wanted to kill himself because he was unhappy with his situation. He was choking himself, trying to cut off his air supply. Which, of course, didn't work.
No sooner had I seen it, than the next time things didn't go my way and I felt unhappy, what did I do? Exactly that foolish thing I had just seen.
The older I got, the better I understood what was going on. I suspect I have an inherited form of depression.
Many on my father's side of the family were, unfortunately, not 'Sunday's children' – meaning, they weren't born under a lucky star. All who share this fate are known for popping an extreme number of remedies and pills, hoping this depressive suffering will quickly disappear.
I can still see how my mother used to look at me whenever I tried something new. A healthy person cannot understand this. Thankfully, I was smart enough to steer clear of the really strong preparations, as I hate being dependent, so that was hardly an option for me.
And yet, for over 10 years, I thought antidepressants were the only hope and would solve the problem.
In truth, antidepressants put you in a tunnel. You no longer feel that unspeakable, irrational fear, which is a good thing. Unfortunately, you also miss out on the natural highs that make life worth living. Simply put, you become a somewhat apathetic person. You exist, but you don't truly live. Too much to die, too little to live happily.
Somehow, I found my way out of this generally accepted form of therapy, without ever having had therapy. The antidepressants were simply prescribed by my GP, like a medication for a rash or inflammation; that was it.
Later, I was told that psychologists don't like prescribing these medications because the patient then stops therapy. They no longer want to talk; the problem appears to be solved at first glance.
The older I got, the clearer the signs became that I was truly becoming depressed in episodes, and 3-4 times it was life-threatening.
After the first severe depression, once I had found my footing again, I even wrote a small book, so convinced was I that I had found an important solution to a major problem.
Reading the book today, I must say I'm surprised I wrote it. But somehow, the conclusion that simply taking pills would fix everything didn't sit quite right with me shortly after finishing the book.
By the way, you can download the book for free here. There's still a lot of useful information in it, and it's now more widely known that medication isn't a panacea.
Today, thankfully, I can speak of something like resilience. But how did I get there? After over 10 years, I no longer need medication and am stable. Of course, I'm still not a 'Sunday's child' for whom the sun shines out of every opening, but I'm doing quite well and am very content.
Suicidal thoughts are rarely present anymore, and if they are, I can wipe them away with a good prayer.
How does one get there?
First, like many in my family, I tried everything, and it seems I somehow hit upon something. Everything I tried, from green tea to Omega 3, St. John's Wort to 5-HTP, serotonin precursors – I eventually arrived somewhere.
Increasing protein-rich food was a good step, as was supplementing with Rhodiola Rosea. As I took more and more Rhodiola, things suddenly became much calmer. I stopped trying a new remedy every 3-4 weeks to find relief or solve the problem with some technique.
Today, Rhodiola Rosea and prayers are enough to keep me stable.
None of this is scientific at all, but it works for me, and I am grateful to be able to lead such a stable life.
In short, depression and burnout – which is the term used when it's diagnosed in connection with employment – are severe, dangerous illnesses and require specialists who can help effectively through their experience with countless patients.
In an emergency, one might already be at a point where one should no longer hesitate and ought to run to the nearest emergency room.
However, I fear the illness itself will prevent that. It would be a simple solution, but I never managed it myself.
YouTube Video on the Topic
Source: YouTube Channel | Glücksdetektiv | How Depression is Cured