Somehow this theme has prevailed in my life as far back as I can remember. 

Even as a child I sometimes felt very sad, when I first heard the Swiss children's song "Hans in the Snail Hole", it captivated me, without knowing that this already represented a kind of depressiveness. 

This song is about a kind of dissatisfaction that is present in us humans. It is very questionable that children have to struggle with such thoughts. 

The lyrics are about a Hans who is in a snail hole and everything he has he doesn't want and everything he wants he doesn't have. I don't understand why children sing such cheese. 

Back to the depression. This was just a short excursion to the first signs where I noticed that everything was not quite normal with me. 

Next stop was when I saw a boy on TV who wanted to kill himself because he was not happy with his situation. He strangled himself and tried to cut off his air. Which didn't work, of course. 

Hardly seen, the next time something didn't go my way and I felt unhappy, what did I do, exactly this nonsense, what I saw shortly before. 

The older I got, the better I understood what was going on. I suspect that I have a hereditary type of depression.

Many in our family on our father's side were unfortunately not Sunday children. All those who share this fate have been known to down a lot of remedies and pills in the hope that this depressive condition will quickly go away. 

I can still see how my mother used to look at me when I tried something new. A healthy person can't understand that. Fortunately, I was smart enough to keep my hands off the really strong drugs, because I hate being addicted, so that was hardly an option for me.

And yet, for over 10 years, I thought the only hope was antidepressants and that solved the problem. 

The truth is, antidepressants put you in a hose. You no longer feel that unspeakable, non-rational anxiety, which is good. Unfortunately, you also lack the natural highs that make life worth living. Simply put, you then become a bit of an apathetic person. You live, but you don't really live. Too much to die, too little to live happily. 

Somehow I found my way out of this generally accepted form of therapy without ever having had any therapy at all. The antidepressants were simply prescribed to me by the GP, like a medicine for a rash or inflammation, that was it. 

Later I was told that psychologists don't like to prescribe this medication because the patient then stops the therapy, he doesn't want to talk any more, the problem is apparently solved at first sight.   

The older I got, the clearer signs I had that I was getting really depressed in episodes and 3-4 times it was life-threatening. 

After the first severe depression, I regained my footing and even wrote a booklet, so convinced was I that I had found an important solution to a major problem. 

Reading the book today, I have to say that I am amazed that I wrote this. But somehow the conclusion, just take the pills and that's it, didn't quite sit right with me shortly after finishing the book. 

By the way, you can download the book here for free. Nevertheless, there is a lot of useful information in it, and it is now better known that medicines are not the all-purpose weapon. 

Today I can talk about something like resilience, fortunately. But how did I get there? After more than 10 years, I no longer need medication and am stable. Of course I'm still not a Sunday child with the sun shining out of every orifice, but I'm doing quite well and I'm very happy. 

Suicidal thoughts are rarely there any more and when they are I can wipe them away with a good prayer. 

How do you get there? 

First of all, like many in our family, I've tried everything and it seems that somehow I've got a hit. Everything I've tried, from green tea to omega 3 to St. John's wort to htp5 to serotonin supplements, to substances that are considered a precursor to serotonin, I've arrived somewhere. 

Increasing the food in protein-rich form was a good step, as was supplementing with rose root. As I took more and more rose root, it suddenly became much calmer, I no longer tried to find relief every 3-4 weeks with a new remedy or to solve the problem with some technique. 

Today, rose root and prayers are enough to keep me stable. 

It's not scientific at all, but it works for me and I'm grateful to be able to live such a stable life. 

In short, depression and burn out, which is the form used when it is diagnosed in connection with a job, are bad, dangerous illnesses and need specialists who can help well through their experience with countless patients. 

In case of need, you may already be so far along that you should not hesitate any more and run to the nearest emergency room. 

But I fear that the disease itself will prevent that. It would be a simple solution, but I have never managed it myself.